What I Have Lost Over the Past Year

Pretty much everyone would agree the past year and a half has been tremendously stressful and painful in ways that we never experienced before. Once our local area mandated masks, my life became much more difficult because I cannot breathe with anything over my mouth. In late 2020, I started developing severe anxiety (like I haven’t had in years) and almost constant panic attacks. All this stress led to some health issues. I felt like I was dying. My entire body suffered many symptoms, and I got weaker and sicker as the weeks passed.

Desperate for a Solution

I finally couldn’t take the suffering anymore, so I worked with my hypnotherapist to clear out some old traumas. I ramped up my mindfulness practice and tried a bunch of new options. Some of the things I tried included reading different types of books and I tried grounding, thymus tapping, and other techniques. Little by little, my body healed, and I became stronger and less stressed. As we inched towards summer, I felt better and better but still not where I wanted to be, so I started this “Programming Increased Healing While I Sleep” tapping meditation every night before bed. At first, I didn’t think it was doing anything. Then I started to notice all the things I have lost.

What I Have Lost Through My Aggressive Mindful Practice

• I have lost all anxiety. It is gone. I feel a deep, sense of peace in every cell of my body, and I almost feel like I could not get worried or anxious if I tried.
• I no longer get disappointed. A few things have occurred lately that brought this to light. If these things had happened in the past, I would react badly and feel disappointed and make the other person feel even worse. Now, I don’t feel or act that way. I completely accept my present circumstances. I don’t blame other people’s actions, and I am okay no matter what happens. That is a huge change for me.
• All my racing thoughts are gone. My mind is quiet, and I find myself “being” rather than doing.
• My sense of urgency has dissipated, and I no longer feel the need to keep up with the frantic pace of life. I allow myself more ease to navigate life my way.
• I have lost distraction, and I feel more focused, and clarity is my new normal.
• My body feels strong; ailments and illness are gone.
• I have lost a ton of weight for the first time in 15 years. I haven’t dieted or changed my eating habits at all.
• The lifelong discomfort of living with my body has evaporated. I feel connected to my body and myself in a way I never have before. I have an appreciation for all that I am and have overcome. For the first time ever, I am comfortable in my own body regardless of changes brought on by age.

Other Beautiful Side Effects

Some other side effects include incredible vibrancy. Everything looks a bit brighter. What I mean is that colors are deeper, food tastes better, and I feel so connected to all of it. I also have strangely improved reflexes. Things fall, and before crashing to the floor, I somehow reach out and grab them like a superhuman. It’s actually quite strange but also nice. I have saved a few objects from ruin.

The biggest thing I have lost is a huge part of my old identity. My old self was all about suffering. I have lost fear, anxiety, resentment, blame, irritation, disappointment, and most of all, suffering by letting it go or releasing it. I honestly do not know how this occurred, just that it has, and I am grateful. That small, suffering, sick person was never who I am. I was not born that way, I turned into it through life circumstances, but it was never the real me. By letting go of that imposter personality, I am unburdened and free. I can now let the true essence of who I really am shine once again. This is perhaps the most beautiful gift I have ever received.

Presence and Living in the Moment

I feel very present in the moment and, for the first time, in control of my own mind and body. I feel like I am “choosing” my thoughts, not my mind choosing for me. All of this allows me to help others easier. I find myself wanting to be of service to friends and family. I want to pass on my calm mindset and peacefulness to others. So, with everything I have lost, I have gained more than I could have ever hoped for.