On Death & Dying: What Grief Has Taught Me

Someone very close to me is gravely ill. He has stage 4 lung cancer. Watching this person suffer is breaking my heart. I want so badly to jump in, take over, and fix it. The situation is beyond my control, and I hate that. What my family is going through is not new, but I am learning many things by going through it. I wanted to share what grief has taught me and how my spiritual toolbox is helping me cope.

David Ji’s Wisdom & Acceptance

I begin every morning by meditating twice. First, I do the Daily Calm meditation and then a healing meditation with David Ji. In this meditation, he says, “You don’t need to do anything; just witness and accept.” My mind is racing daily with thoughts that I should do more in this health situation. So, I am leaning hard on that statement now and trying to accept what I do not like. I don’t want this person to be hurting and suffering and struggling just to breathe. So, I am taking solace in David Ji’s words and trying to accept. I think acceptance is one of the most powerful tools at my disposal right now. When others struggle with this, I rely on the warmth and comfort of acceptance and can persevere.

From Grief to Gratitude

It’s easy to be grateful when comparing how much we have, our good health, and our good fortune when stacked next to tragedy. I am taking note of the little things. I feel gratitude for the moments of peace where I am not crying from the sadness of it all. I feel grateful when I notice how comfortable my flannel sheets feel on my skin or the spring sunshine on my face. I see flowers blooming in the garden, and I smile for a moment. These tiny reminders that life goes on are what is getting me through. The kindness and support of others have humbled me, and I feel gratitude for them.

Non-Judgment

When thinking about how many doctors missed the diagnosis for six months, it’s easy to be judgmental and blame. I get angry when I think about the time we lost when we could have been addressing his illness, a time we can never get back. It would be easy to judge others and how they are coping, but where is the compassion in that? I could judge myself for not doing enough or doing too much and burning out. But none of that will save his life. Instead, I am trying to weigh my thoughts and keep them focused on what is important: the time we have left and supporting each other as a family.

Walking the Walk

My book Real Life and Relationships Don’t Mix is all about spiritual and physical healing. In it, I talk about all these tools I have at my disposal: meditation, hypnotherapy, tapping, mantras, affirmations, and dozens of other energy healing therapies. I would fall apart without these daily practices. I am not. I am helping as much as I can, but I am also setting boundaries and indulging in self-care to take care of myself so I stay strong for others. I would never have been able to do that without all these teachings to guide me.

I feel genuine self-compassion and self-love. I know I am experiencing grief, sadness, pain, and fear, but I am not alone. I am walking the walk, doing the work, and it is helping me support others while staying strong.  I cannot stress the importance of being true to these principles in the face of a terrible situation. I am allowing myself to feel the feelings and then let them go. It’s much healthier than my past habit of pushing them away until they become something much worse.

Letting Go

I am learning to let go even more as we move through this process. Sooner than I would like, this person will be gone from my life, and I will have to go on without them. The deep grief I feel over that is accompanied by the knowledge that I am not alone. I feel the support of God/The Universe there with me every step of the way. My reliance on spirit is like a warm blanket keeping me safe from the storm that is passing over above.

I am grateful to have been guided to this life of healthy daily practices. This situation is putting them to the test, and I realize how impactful these things are to me, being okay no matter what is going on in my life.

I wish you all peace and comfort as you endure difficult situations like these. Keep meditating, keep breathing, and follow your spiritual guides, and you can get through anything.