Staying friends with your ex can be a very tricky one, and I have to say, for most people the answer is probably going to be a big, fat no!
Who Left Who
When I got divorced, 15 years ago, my husband said he wanted us to stay the best of friends. Within weeks of the divorce proceedings, all that changed. He turned very resentful, and mean, and made that impossible. It is too bad for our daughter’s sake. I think it comes down to “who hurt who.”
Since I left that relationship, it is obvious why he made the decision not to continue to be friends. I had hurt him, and he was angry at me. Who wants to be buddies with someone they despise.
In my most recent relationship (with what I thought was the love of my life) he broke my heart into a million pieces at the worst possible time. So this time, I was on the other side of the fence. How did it feel? Not good, I will tell you that.
EFT Allows Me to Be Best Friends With My Ex
I am so grateful that through my spiritual work and EFT, I have cleared away all my resentment, anger, and hurt feelings to allow myself to love someone unconditionally and enable us to be friends. It took at least three sessions to process all of my leftover pain, anger, and confusion about the breakup. There were also lingering issues from the relationship (12 years is a long time to be with someone) that I needed to clear. But now I am like a blank slate, free to feel any way I want and that has opened the door for us to be friends.
In fact, we are not just friends; he is my best friend. The best part is, I get to keep his friendship and all the things I loved about him. However, I am still free to find someone else, someone new and better suited to me for the romantic part of my life. This man was not great at the relationship stuff (commitment, responsibility, reliability) and he would be the first to admit that. So for both of us, it is a win, win situation.
Many people are baffled or even upset by the fact that I chose to remain friends with him. One of my good friends even offered to run him over with her car, after he broke my heart (gotta love that girlfriend support). I feel that allowing myself to let go of all the negative emotions and truly forgive and forget and move on is the healthiest thing for me. I feel like a real grown-up being able to do it without any hidden motives or resentments.
In striving to be the best person I can be, I don’t want anything to stand in the way of my personal growth and holding onto grudges or harboring ill feelings towards this man, would hurt me more than it would ever hurt him. It is not about him getting away with something, it’s about what is best for me.
Relationships Are Hard
Now that we are not in a romantic relationship, I think we respect and admire each other more. He and I support each other beautifully, and I believe it is because we are not bogged down with past resentments and hurt feelings. We laugh a lot more too. We are kind to one another and careful not to be hurtful or mean; something we had stopped doing a long time ago when we were together. Through my spiritual growth work, I am now able to clearly see all the bad habits and patterns that ultimately destroyed our relationship.
Why do we lose simple respect and kindness for one another when in a relationship? We seem to treat those closest to us, the worst.
Relationships are hard, even good ones and they require attention and constant monitoring. Just taking care of yourself can be challenging but add another person’s feelings, needs and wants into the mix and life can feel pretty trying. So this break was perfectly timed for me to get healthy and happy before finding that perfect, special someone to share my life with.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not advocating for anyone to end their relationships suddenly. However, taking a 2-year break from the stress and expectations of a relationship have been incredibly healthy for me. I don’t have to compromise on anything, I get to do what I want to do every day, and everything is all about me for a change. It is very refreshing to give into all this “me” time. I think I have needed this break for much longer than I realized.
A Brand New Single Life and Loving It!
A really amazing aspect to all of this is that this man is no different. He still does all the same stuff, some of which used to drive me crazy! But now, when he does, I don’t even notice, nor do I care or have any emotion about it at all. That is the real FREEDOM of EFT and my spiritual work.
I am not lonely, I am not sad, I feel joyful and content all of the time. I am completely free to pursue whatever I want in life, and it’s a beautiful place to be! Plus I keep my bestie for movies, debating, a man’s opinion on things, and help when I need it. I get the best of both worlds, and once again, all my prior suffering led to this wonderful gift and exciting new life.
Stay tuned for more stories about relationships, forgiveness, and healing.