Two years ago I wanted to die. That is the honest truth. I was miserable, and suffering in every way possible (physical, mental, emotional) and I was tired of life beating the crap out of me. 2015 will forever remain the worst year of my life; however, it also brought me out of a long stretch of suffering and despair into the most beautiful time of my life.
Suffering For Far Too Long
Before 2015, for about five years I suffered from all kinds of injuries and illnesses (broken leg, broken ribs and back, Hashimoto’s disease along with Celiac disease, etc.). I truly thought I had a black cloud over my head. Two of the illnesses were life threatening. It seemed like when one thing would almost heal entirely, another one would surface, right on time, and I was pretty tired of it. By the time I was rushed to the ER at 3 a.m. due to hemorrhaging uncontrollably, in October of 2014, I was sick of it all. I was so tired of fighting my body all the time and suffering one thing after another.
That scare was a wake-up call which resulted in the need for major surgery (hysterectomy). My uterus was the size of a 7-month pregnant woman’s and my periods were unbearable, arriving every two weeks. I was 47 at the time, and I felt like they should be getting further apart not closer together.
Misery Leads to Surgery
So despite my firm opposition to it, I agreed to have the surgery in February of 2015. When removed, the doctor proudly proclaimed that my uterus weighed almost 4 pounds. I think she might have won some award for removing the largest uterus ever! I picture a framed image on her desk and in it, her holding it up like a prize fish along with a trophy by her side.
My recovery took over a year and was brutal. I remember talking to a few women before I had the surgery. They all said the same thing (in Stepford Wife fashion) “I am so glad I had it done, I wish I had done it sooner.” No joke, each woman said the same thing in the same way; very creepy. Well, I can tell you, I will not be saying that to anyone ever.
During my recovery, my boyfriend of twelve years and the love of my life, moved into my house for six weeks to take care of me. I know how awful I felt, but I have no idea how difficult it must have been taking care of me. I felt like an infant and required round-the-clock care and help with eating, showering, dressing and everything else. It was awful. My parents had agreed to come out and help but due to the horrible winter, and many snow storms in a row, a lot of the responsibility fell on him.
Could It Get Any Worse?
On the seventh week, I felt strong enough to be alone for the weekend. I sent him home so he could take a break from me and get some rest. That following Thursday I got a devastating email from him. He told me he wasn’t coming back, that he wanted to be alone and didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. I never saw it coming! Before the surgery, he talked of travel plans and us spending our lives together. I may never fully understand what prompted this drastic step, and it destroyed me for a while but I have accepted it as his path to take, and I have let it all go.
To say that those first few weeks without him were hard would be a massive understatement. Because of the surgery, my hormones were a mess so dealing with a broken heart on top of trying to heal a sore and battered body, was the hardest thing I have ever done. Some days I cried for 6 hours straight, uncontrollable sobbing. I have never in my life felt so depressed and discouraged, and I finally reached a point where one night I prayed to (my understanding of God/Universe) and said: “please help me now, or I will not survive this.”
A Ray of Hope and an Unexpected Visit
About a week later, I received an out-of-the-blue email from my cousin Dave who I have not seen in about 23 years. He and his wife Lori live in Florida. They said they were coming to New Hampshire for a visit and could I make time to visit with them. I couldn’t wait to see them both. Dave and I grew up together, and as kids, we were good friends. Lori and I had formed a friendship through work, and we were so much alike, we got along very well.
Dave and Lori visited my daughter and me in September of that year. It was a hot day, so after lunch, we sat outside on my patio to talk and catch up.
After I had told them what had been going on with me, my cousin regaled me with tales of his and Lori’s considerable physical and emotional health issues, and how something called EFT had magically healed them. For the past few years, they had both been working with this EFT specialist who they raved about.
I Want What They Have!
One thing that I sensed from each of them was this aura of peacefulness. It came off of them in waves and felt so calming, warm and loving. Whatever they were doing, whatever they had found, I wanted some of it!
Recently Dave told me they had no knowledge about my surgery or my breakup before coming to visit. But Dave confided that he simply had a voice in his head over a few weeks telling him to “visit Dawna and bring this information to her,” and so he felt compelled to do so. I am beyond grateful that he acted on that inspiration. I know that the voice in his head was in answer to my prayers for help.
Hope and Beyond
Just hearing about their success gave me a tiny tendril of hope that day and I started to believe that maybe everything would be ok.
About a week later, I reached out to Dave for their EFT coach’s information, and I set up an intro session with her; hands down the best decision I have ever made.
Everything is different now. I am incredibly healthy with no physical ailments whatsoever, and I have let go of so much of the past and associated pain and suffering. I feel so hopeful about my life now.
An Entirely New Life
Throughout my 50 years, I have suffered from chronic anxiety and OCD, along with a variety of health issues and fears. To find some peace and healing, I tried every type of therapy there is (medicine, traditional therapists, hypnosis, books, tapes, acupuncture, and everything else), and nothing helped me in any permanent way; the way that EFT and my spiritual work has. It has changed my life, my past and my present.
It has also brought me back to myself, my real, true self. I used to be a strong, independent person blazing new trails and leading the way. Somehow buried in health and emotional issues, I lost that person and became someone else, someone without hope or joy for life, someone cowering in the corner, afraid of everything.
My new life (which in many ways is a return to my old life – explained in other posts) has also awoken in me a whole new passion for living and brought me a sense of joy, peace, and happiness beyond anything I could imagine.
Keep reading my posts to find out all the ways in which I have healed myself and improved my daily life and relationships.