Humans are complex creatures, but we as a society have gotten into a terrible habit of quickly judging and reducing people to good or evil. I am sometimes guilty of seeing in terms of black and white myself.

Mirroring Real Life

While watching a TV show the other night, I became acutely aware of some dominant patterns in my thinking. The twists and turns of the show helped to open my eyes to my flawed premise, and I felt compelled to share it because I think many of us label people too quickly.

In this TV show, there was a simply evil character. At least that is how I thought of him. He was a vile rapist and murderer for which I saw no redemption. As the story unfolded, he fell in love with a woman with children and pleaded with her, tears in his eyes to love him back. At that moment something hit me. Despite his horrible actions towards others, he just wanted to be loved and accepted. He was no different than me or anyone else.

Seeing Beyond the Obvious

As the show progressed they showed scenes of his childhood and suddenly I felt sympathy for him and understanding. He was a product of a terrible upbringing. This fact does not excuse the pain he caused others, but it made it so much easier for me to see him with fresh eyes. I felt heartbroken for him when the woman he loved rejected him becuase I know what that feels like. I had something in common with this supposedly evil person, and it surprised me. How often do we label someone as evil but fail to see any further than their bad behavior?

This man knew what he had done and was deeply ashamed of it. It shocked me when instead of getting angry and lashing out at her, he let her and her kids go. Showing me once again, I thought I had him all figured out. All he wanted was the chance at a new beginning, and we can all relate to that.

In my personal life, I have been guilty of writing people off and believing that their behavior defined them. How could they possibly do any right while so busy with all the wrong? It was easier to label them and move on than to look deeper for something more than the obvious and give them a chance.

More to the Story

Every person no matter how bad they seem has a side to them that is good. It may be buried deeply and take something extraordinary to bring it out, but it is there. Even though this TV show was fiction, it mirrors reality in that even those we consider to be evil, want what we all want to be loved, to be free and make our own choices. Evil is alive and well but only in our minds as just a word making it easier for us to judge and dismiss people that make us uncomfortable.

When we look at the world through black and white colored glasses, we miss a lot. We don’t see the fine lines, the opportunities for change and maybe even the imperceptible call for help. We write others off easily, put them into boxes and store them away, so we don’t have to deal with what we don’t like about them. There are so many shades of gray and we humans are a mix of them all from time to time. We all have things we did that we wished we hadn’t. We are all a combination of good and bad. What more do we need to know to have compassion and understanding?

See Through the Black and White to the Color Inside

Perhaps if instead we looked deeper, didn’t shy away and searched harder for that thread of good in someone, it might open them up to express it and promote change.

We all deal with difficult people and even sometimes encounter genuinely awful ones who do us harm. However, if we choose to look at them as the same as us, striving for the same things in life, perhaps we can change our quick trip to judgment to one of hope and compassion instead.