Resentments are a big issue for most of us. I don’t just mean in daily life, but they can build up and cause a lot of physical and mental health issues down the line. Most people don’t even realize they have them.
It saddens me when I see someone form a resentment towards another person, and they hold onto that grudge for dear life, ruining so many beautiful opportunities to forgive and enjoy a renewed friendship or relationship. I even know someone who does it with stores. If he has a bad experience in a store, that’s it! He vows never to go back, and they quickly end up in his resentment pile.
The Rooster Crows at Dawn (my nickname)
Two years ago my next door neighbor (approximately 100 feet from my house) was given some chickens and a rooster. For the past two years, that rooster has made my sleep life hellish. He wakes me up every day from four to six a.m. I tried a year ago to approach the subject with my friendly neighbor, but he didn’t “get it.”
Recently, I realized that I had built up an enormous resentment towards him. I began to have fantasies about horrible accidents befalling the rooster so my neighborhood could go back to quiet. I am a huge animal lover but this sound, like fingernails on a chalkboard, is constant all day long and destroys my peace and serenity.
A Glimpse of the End of the Tunnel
A few weeks ago, I took in a friend while they recuperated from surgery. They too experienced this awful sleeping situation. Being a bit brasher than I am, this person marched over and addressed it firmly with my neighbor. The neighbor promised to fix it immediately.
He gave it a good try, but then the following week the rooster was again crowing loudly in the wee hours. I immediately kicked into a very negative thinking pattern and started building up more resentment.
Expect the Worst, and You Will Get It
What I wanted my neighbor to do was get rid of the rooster, but he chose to approach it differently, and it aggravated me. After he told me he would fix it but didn’t, I started expecting to be woken up every morning again, and guess what? I got exactly what I expected.
When we expect anything from anyone, we are setting them up for failure. If someone doesn’t do what we want, need or hope, we often form a resentment, and we may not even be aware of it. This dissatisfaction can subconsciously affect how we treat that person. Even if unspoken, the other person will “feel” your resentment on some level.
Sleep At Last!
After giving my neighbor two more weeks to work on a solution, I went over to speak with his wife. I quoted the law once more and gave her a final warning that if the rooster woke me up again, I was going to call the police. She nonchalantly promised that her husband would fix it. I left there unconvinced but glad that I handled it assertively without further resentment.
The rooster has not made one sound since. I wasn’t sure if they had killed it or given it away until this past weekend when I visited my local SPCA to adopt a kitten. As soon as I emerged from the car, I heard that all too familiar sound. I had to laugh out loud. I am so grateful that they were able to find him a home and my home is peaceful again.
Stop Setting Expectations and Choose Acceptance Instead
What this whole thing has taught me is how quickly and easily we can develop strong resentments over silly things and more significant offenses. My neighbor was never stressed or unrested by the rooster, only I was. Then I made it worse for myself by building up a massive resentment towards him and then wallowing in it. What I should have done is addressed it assertively long before it started getting to me.
I am hoping to learn from this lesson and try harder to employ more love and acceptance so that I don’t build up new resentments. If try my best to resolve a situation, then I need to accept the outcome without hating the person. If I do find myself feeling dissatisfied with the actions of someone else, and heading towards resentment, I want to lean on my EFT and meditation to clear them before they become a major problem for me.
I also think by allowing myself more positive outcomes in life, these situations will become fewer and far between.