Don’t Tell Me What to Do! I Hate Control

I don’t know about you, but I feel really triggered when someone tries to control me. Even when I need a little direction, the hair on the back of my neck stands up when someone tells me what to do.

Why Control Triggers

When we are children, we are used to parents telling us what to do and what not to do. As we age and evolve, we learn to make those decisions for ourselves, and it’s an essential stage of growth. However, if your parents continue trying to control your love life, home situation, job, and other things about you after you are an adult, that’s when the trouble begins.

By the time you reach adulthood, you are expected to be on your own, making your own life choices. This is normal. If someone exerts control or tries to persuade you to make choices that do not align with your wishes, you may develop strong resistance to being told what to do.

It’s not always parents that do the controlling; it could be a partner, sibling, friend, or mentor. But, regardless of where it comes from, it triggers feelings of low self-worth, resentment, and fear.

Why Do People Need to Control

I have encountered many people in my life who feel the need to try and control me, from what I eat, to what I wear, what movies I watch, etc. It drives me crazy, but I have found ways to better deal with it over the years.

First, we need to understand why these people feel such a strong need to control others. If I take one example from my life (a woman), she is miserable in her own life. She is hampered by strong religious beliefs, a domineering husband, and low self-esteem from her upbringing. She feels like she has no control over her own life, and she hates almost everything about it. Her go-to is to control everyone around her. Unfortunately, this has a terrible effect on her family. They feel like she is constantly disappointed in them and ashamed of who they are.

Sadly, character flaws like this roll downhill and affect everyone around you. She can’t see it and has no idea, but it’s evident to everyone. She is miserable, so she seeks to control by telling everyone else what to do and showing her disdain for them when they do the opposite. The effect on her family is deteriorating. One of her biggest complaints is that the family doesn’t want to be close, but then again, why would they when she acts the way she does?

My point is she has reasons for controlling everyone around her, although when you are on the receiving end of it, it’s hard to remember that. Understanding that makes it easier to lessen my resistance to control and be more compassionate.

Relief From Control

The best way to handle it is to ignore the repeated attempts at control and then do some tapping (EFT) to rid myself of anger and resentment. The more often I do this, the less I resent her or anyone else who tries to control me.

I also think it is important to note that often we project the very thing we have trouble with. I sometimes feel like I have no control over my life, so I slip into habits of telling other people what they should do. That is how control manifests itself when you are feeling helpless. It’s also why I experience control from other people.

We are all working towards self-improvement goals, whether we know it or not. Sometimes divine help comes in the form of showing us examples so we can learn from them and change our own behavior.

I have found that daily meditation and tapping are my most powerful weapons against dealing with day-to-day strife and difficulties dealing with other people.