I learned something valuable recently. In my romantic life, I always held something back. I never voiced my true feelings and hid them away. Over time, this not only made me miserable because my partner was unaware of my needs and expectations, but it also drove a wedge between us. Awareness is what I was lacking.
On some level, I knew that keeping silent when I should have expressed my true feelings was damaging to the relationship, but I did it anyway. I did it for years until the chasm between us grew so wide, we had to part.
I now know that not giving myself a voice was a defense mechanism so that I would not get hurt. The interesting part is that my silence was one of the things that drove us apart and ruined the relationship. In the end, I hurt myself my staying silent. I wasn’t being my authentic self and it destroyed me.
Pay Attention to the Chakras
One of the chakras expressly controls our voice and speaking. If you don’t give yourself a voice or words to your emotions or traumas, they get stored in your body as energy that often results in health problems. I did that for so many years. As my hypnotherapist likes to say, “if you don’t listen to the whispers, you will have to hear the screams.”
I waited until my body was screaming before I finally addressed my issues around being hurt and defending myself. A lot of fear about getting hurt has taught me to protect myself at all costs. I don’t put myself in situations where I feel vulnerable and I make all my choices so I won’t get hurt.
A Pattern on Repeat
I married I man I didn’t love so he couldn’t hurt me. My pattern with clients is that I always terminate them before they can get sick of me, and with every relationship, when something gets a little tricky, my default reaction is to want to run away, get out, and break up.
I had no idea how prevalent this theme runs through my life. During just one small session with my hypnotherapist, I discovered so many areas in my life where I overprotect myself and don’t take chances. I have made my life small. Now that I want to travel and do things, I must do the work, to fix the issue, and face things I have avoided for years. Thankfully, I have gained the awareness that will make that possible.
Awareness is Key
As a friend of mine loves to remind me, it’s all about being aware. My work with an EFT coach a few years ago helped me to become more aware, but true to fashion, I hid this part away until it started to manifest in a big way unpleasantly. Even with all my mindfulness work, this one slipped by me. Awareness is step one, step two revolves around facing those traumas, resolving those emotions, and letting it all go. I have stifled my voice for too long.
I am so grateful to be comfortable enough now to face it truthfully, resolve it, and move on with my life. I am learning how to forge new patterns of behavior and react differently. It’s not easy (change is slow sometimes), but I am eager to move through this phase of my life into a much better future!